Political Almanac Chapter 1: Politician’s Handbook
International Relations
Third World
When dealing with the Third World, we must take a lesson from our missionaries. A missionary journeyed to a Third World country to meet the native people and show them that he had a good heart. Once they were convinced his heart was good, they ate it.
Manufacturing Policy
We have had great success in driving most manufacturing overseas by refusing to offer the kind of bribes offered by foreign governments and refusing to impose any import tariffs. After all, most of these foreign governments are potential or active campaign contributors.
Expansionism
As the world’s leading colonial power, we have been able to attract an ever-growing number of Mexicans without having to seize any Mexican territory.
Giveaways
Having the U.N. in New York has been invaluable in helping us find creative ways to give billions of dollars to foreign scam artists, crooks and brutal dictators. This enables them to ensure that they will continue to impoverish and brutalize their populations. These U.N. folks provide us with movies and photographs of their starving citizens. This motivates us to send money and food to their countries.
This, in turn, allows them to steal the money and food and buy more guns to keep their citizens under control.
Funding our GDP
We have been successful in attracting foreign capitol by continuing off-shoring our manufacturing and encouraging the purchase of everything these amateurs sell us. We no longer make anything of value that isn’t a scam. We have an information economy. Unfortunately, most of our information is wrong. To avoid boredom, we are encouraged to become consumers, funding our purchases with borrowed money. We will soon owe China more than we’re worth.
Humanitarian Aid
The down-side of giveaways to foreign crooks and brutal dictators is that their populations are left starving in a war zone. We can now ensure TV coverage of our deliveries of relief supplies to these countries.
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