Political Almanac Popular Culture

Political Almanac Chapter 2: The History of Politics

Popular Culture

As an aspiring politician, it’s important to understand the popular culture so you can pander to the hundreds of separate groups you will need to win over. The following is a brief synopsis of things you’ll need to know to ensure these groups that they have your support.

Gay History

Homer 850 BC Homer was extremely close to his brother Jethro,

Amenities, an ancient gay Greek, is the father of interior decorating, 480 BC. His significant others included Socrates and the 300 Spartans.

Obscene, the gay Persian was known for the colorful rugs he sold to Amenities. He had a brief tryst with Plato and his brothers Knifo, Forko and Cupo, but his extreme guilt about being gay drove him to the edge. He beheaded himself in 400 BC

Precarious, an ancient gay Roman was the father of acrobatics and the inventor of the high wire and trapeze. He fell to his death in 80 BC and was devoured by lions. His significant others included Grabus and his sister Flagella.

Promiscuous, the gay Roman hooker (80 BC) was pursued for years by Sparticus and his army. His significant others included the Emperor Gluteus Maximus, his sister Flotilla and whoever happened to be in the Roman baths.

Pediphillious the 4th century gay Roman monk was the founder of the Vatican boy’s choir. Enough said.

Béarnaise, an 11th century gay Frenchman was the father of French cooking and rich sauces. His significant others included his students Soufflé, Escargot, and Croissant, who became famous in their own right.

Ambiance and Venue were 14th century gay French interior decorators who were students of Amenities. Ambiance greatly influenced later generations. They were the inspiration for 17th century Gays barbers to become ballet dancers and hairdressers.

Plie’ the 16th century gay ballet dancer’s influence is unrivaled. Virtually all of our ballet dancers today are gay. His significant others included Glissades and Saute who helped him perfect the Ronds de Jambs A Terre, which can be very painful.

Bouffant was a 17th century gay French barber. Bouffant is the father of gay hairdressers. His significant others included the court of Louie XIV and most of the sheep in Leon. .

Disabled History (I couldn’t stop…someone help me..)

Homer’s blindness
Yes that’s right Homer the 8th century BC Greek poet was blind. Homer’s mother would tell him, “If you don’t stop doing that, you’ll go blind.” He didn’t listen. But being blind was a blessing for Homer. He would wander about reciting his poetry thinking everyone was listening and never felt rejected, because he couldn’t see everybody quietly walking away.

Alexander the Great’s epilepsy
Alexander suffered greatly from epilepsy because he couldn’t get health insurance. He tried to be gay, but every time he got excited he fell down and oscillated. This frightened his would-be partners and they ran out of his tent.

Ludwig van Beethoven
Beethoven was a great 18th century musician and composer, even after he became deaf. Like Homer’s blindness, this was a mixed blessing. He no longer flew into a rage in reaction to bad music played sloppily.

Vincent van Gogh
Van Gogh was a gifted 19th century Dutch painter. He had everything including: schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, syphilis, poisoning from swallowed paints, temporal lobe epilepsy and acute intermittent porphyria, aggravated by malnutrition, overwork, insomnia, and a fondness for alcohol, and absinthe in particular. Having lived 37 years by 1890, the beginning of the gay 90s, and not being gay, he shot himself.