EPA Greenhouse Gas Permit Proposal

The EPA has proposed that they require that all entities secure a greenhouse gas emissions permit. Before we require everybody to purchase a hydrogen fuel cell lawn mower (which doesn’t exist), we should do the following:

Remove all deliberate and inadvertent emissions from government owned property, involving cap & trade for the Brea Tar Pit, most of Yellowstone Park, all volcanoes, all annual California wildfires, all other wildfires, all cows, all unnecessary jet plane trips (especially environmental conferences), all unnecessary exhaling and congress,

Citizens should do their part by: refusing to turn on their air conditioners this summer, refusing to turn on their furnaces next winter, removing their fireplaces, removing their in-ground watering systems (anticipating water shortages), refusing to use any automobiles or air planes, refusing to walk anywhere that requires exhaling (don’t even mention bicycling), refusing to eat spicy foods and insisting that the Postal Worker who delivers their government welfare and unemployment checks use only electric vehicles.

Citizens of other countries should receive U.S. assistance to ensure that they don’t have any emissions. These are expenses for cap & trade for all of Iceland, Chinese coal fired electric plants, and flatulence for all countries serving spicy food.