Running for Office

Planning Your National Campaign
If you have a million dollars in the bank, a Harvard or Yale degree and a personality, you can consider running for a National office in the U.S. Senate or U.S. House. You will need a boat-load of money, so you need to know who has the money and what you’ll need to do to get some. First you need to decide what job you want to run for, and where; then find out what party the majority of the voters belong to, so you can pick that party. At this point, you should figure out how you’re going to handle what you’ll say to different groups on a variety of issues. If you think anybody will buy it, you go forward. You then hire a pre-campaign staff to plan and execute a series of gatherings of potential contributors. The staff will gather a committee of interested donors, who will gather more donors and pretty soon you’re rolling.

Securing Contributions
Your staff should be able to find out what your contributors want in return for the contributions they will make. It could be “access” to you, to give you their take on legislation, their support of your shared “world view” and political philosophy or other reasons. Some businesses and investors are more susceptible to legislator’s actions. Some potential contributors are more influenced by ideology. Here you should be taking notes.

Doing the Straight Jacket Dance
Now you know what your contributors want. It’s time to reread all applicable sections above and practice your responses to questions from the very diverse groups of voters who hate each other, without saying anything that would offend your big contributors. Don’t forget to be candid, sincere and careful.

Planning a Local Campaign
If you want to run for state senate or house or a city office, you’ll need $50,000 in the bank, a personality and lots of friends. The fundraising need not be as heady as a National Office run, but the basics are the same. Make sure you stick with local issues like water, roads, highways, zoning, parks, crime and services. I knew a state senate candidate who wanted to lower health insurance costs. Now he attacks windmills with his lance.

Get Out The Vote
Illegal aliens can be paid to vote for us, and don’t forget dead people, but the best list is the 40% of Americans who don’t vote or have health insurance. Make sure your ballot-box stuffing gang of voter fraud executors don’t get caught (see ACORN).