Health Reform: A Consumer's View

Health Reform: A Consumers View by Norbert T. Leahy 1994

Government
Any government that gets into the pension business on the bet that people will die shortly after age 65, and then pours billions into health business to ensure that people will live forever has a death wish.

Hospitals
We should be allowed to bring our own Tylenol to the hospital.

Getting Access After Health Reform
There's lots of empty rooms in hospitals now, but we should makes reservations about 3 months before all Of this stuff becomes free. All the mental hospitals are empty because the patients have been let out on the streets, so if the others are full, I'd try there.

Quality
We should subcontract this to the Japanese. They are more thorough.

Malpractice Reform
If the same jurors who let murderers off with probation were selected for malpractice cases, our medical bills would be lower.

Insurance Companies
The insurance industry is a single cell animal with no brain and three working parts. It collects premiums, pays claims, and increases premiums.

Rights
Remember our rights to lower cable rates ?

Standardized Claim Form
The federal government should draft a single claim form and force everybody to use it. The IRS does such a nice job on forms, I'd let them do it. Penalties and fines should be stiff, if violators are caught using their own form. I think the IRS should do the enforcement, too, because they are thorough. Violators should have all of their equipment, land, buildings, children, and employees impounded and sold at government auction.

Outcomes Data
Patients should know that no one has ever recovered from pancreas transplant surgery.

Cost Containment
We should move all the old people from Florida, where medical costs are double the national average, to Idaho where medical costs are half the national average.

Defense Conversion
We can make microscopic nuclear bombs, fire them down orthoscopic tubes, and explode cancer tumors.

Government's Ideology
It's Fabian socialistic, world government, ruling elite, Gilbrathean neo-feudalism, using Nazi tactics to tax the masses for their own good. Everybody likes it because its inclusive.

What Does Government Like To Do?
Government likes to do new things. They don't like to do what they already have on their plate. These are sales guys.

Business Opportunities
Invest now in black money market, underground, back alley medical care business to serve those who don't want national health cards. This is a cash business offering tax-free income. Phone Guido (202) 555-1000, evenings and weekends.

Medical Protocols
The government is writing politically correct medical protocols for doctors to follow so we can over treat problems claimed by women, blacks, gays, and other special groups. That should keep these groups occupied.

Another Business Opportunity
Leisure industry for HMO employees whose patients don't want to come in and get yelled at any more. This is a high-end market, catering to well paid people who will have a lot of free time. We want to put a medical theme park in some state that needs the tourist dollars. Phone Ira (202) 555-1001, Wednesdays after 4 p.m.'

Job Opportunities
We're going to hire an extra 500,000 police officers to find welfare moms and force them to take their kids to the hospital to get their measles shots.

Welfare Reform
Taxpayers should be able to deduct checks written to their parents, children, and other family members. These funds should not be taxable to the recipients. We could call it "famfare."

Government Gets What Nobody Else Wants
Government has 16 million union employees. I've not been able to find any U.S. business who wants them. Everyone wants to go to Mexico. The government has the post office. I don't hear Federal Express and UPS demanding to deliver mail every day to everybody's mail box. I'm sure Lloyd's isn't interested in guaranteeing the banks and savings and loan deposits. No one else wants to insure people who have no money and who have pre-existing conditions.

Mr. Leahy is President of NTI, a human resources management consulting firm , 1312 Wyntercreek Lane, Dunwoody, GA 30338; PH/ 770-394-1284.


THE JOURNAL OF THE MEDICAL ASSOCIATION OF GEORGIA Volume 83 JANUARY 1994