WASHINGTON, DC – Sources confirmed
today that hundreds of thousands of military absentee ballots were delivered
hours after the deadline for them to be counted, with preliminary counts
showing that they would have overturned the vote in several states and brought
a victory for Governor Mitt Romney.
Officials say the ballots were delivered late due to
problems within the military mail system. Tracking invoices show the ballots
sat in a warehouse for a month, then they were accidentally labeled as
ammunition and shipped to Afghanistan. At Camp Dwyer, Marine Sergeant John
Davis signed for them and was surprised at the contents.
“I told Gunny we got a bunch of ballots instead of ammo,”
Davis told investigators earlier today. “He told me to file a report of
improper delivery and that the chain of command would take care of it. We
didn’t hear anything for three weeks. While we were waiting we came under
fire so we dumped a bunch of them in the Hescoes. We didn’t dig those
ones back out.”
After military officials realized the initial error, the
ballots were then sent back to the U.S. but suffered a series of setbacks.
Twelve boxes of ballots were dropped
overboard during delivery to the USS Kearsarge (LHD-3) in the
Persian Gulf, then while the ship sailed to Bahrain, postal clerks
allegedly pocketed whatever ballots they wanted.
The remaining absentee ballots were loaded onto a C-130, but
the flight was delayed until November 1st so the crew could get tax free pay
for the month. Once the ballots arrived stateside they were promptly
mailed to each state’s counting facility, reaching their final destination on
November 7th.
“It’s a shame,” Rear Admiral John Dawes said when asked for
comment. “I expected a delay so I ordered that everyone cast their votes
eight months ago. It’s really unfortunate that our mail system failed us and
directly affected the course of history.”
Upon hearing the news, angry Republicans have begun a demand
for a recount, but most military absentee voters have shrugged off the news,
with many wondering whether the care packages their families sent six months
ago were ever going to show up.
Source: http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/11/military-absentee-ballots-delivered-one-day-late-would-have-swung-election-for-romney/#ixzz2BedkihIM
, by Drew, November 7, 2012, 113 COMMENTS Follow us: @theduffelblog on Twitter | duffelblog on Facebook
2 comments:
You may wish to explicitly label this story as "satire", derived from a satire site that produces only satirical news articles and never "real" news reports. Without such a label, readers many incorrectly assume that the report of supposedly "late" military absentee ballots is real, when in fact no such event actually occurred.
Norb-
Only those liberal rags like the NY Times or the AJC actually validate their news sources. I believe even the conservative ones like the WSJ do too!
Good thing you post the truth, citing sources like this website, The Onion, or National Lampoon.
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