Norbert T. Leahy
Dear Citizen,
We hope you think that we in
government are doing a good job. We know
that life isn't perfect and, therefore, we have made that our philosophy. We are doing the best we can with the little money
we have. We have been busy worrying about our society. That's our job. We would like to share some of our
concerns. We are having some problems
funding our criminal justice and education systems, and our environmental
protection and health programs and could use more money. Most of all, we want you as citizens to do
your part by volunteering to help us implement our newest program ideas.
Our parole boards are having to let
violent criminals out of jail because there aren't enough jail cells. We would like for you to initiate a petition
to increase your state and federal taxes so that we can set up a fund and study
it and maybe build some more prisons in 10 or 20 years. In the meantime, we are excited about using
the money to start our new "adopt a felon" program, where you can
adopt a released convict and keep him in your home and be the family he never
had.
Our immigration
service is concerned that illegal immigrants are streaming across our borders
and have given up trying to catch and deport them because they all claim
political asylum. We passed a law that
prevents companies from hiring them, so some are selling drugs and the others
are going on welfare. We are currently
planning an "adopt an illegal Immigrant" program so that you can keep
one in your home and learn a second language and a different culture.
Some time ago, we let all of the crazy
people out of the mental institutions because we were afraid that we were
violating their civil rights and besides, we needed the money we spent to keep them
there for other things. We need a
"crazy person neighborhood watch" program so that if these people
wander into your neighborhood, we will know what they are doing. Remember, we can't do anything unless they
kill somebody, so if they do, make sure to call and let us know.
Our police officers are unable to stop
the violent crime associated with drug gangs and crazy people. Drugs flow freely over the border, and crazy
people are everywhere. We need money so
we can hire 100,000 police officers who can get out into bad neighborhoods
where these drug gangs and crazy people live so they can get to know them.
Our teachers are having to teach kids
about safe sex, hand out condoms, check kids for weapons and teach classes in
self esteem, environmental protection, diversity, homosexuality, child abuse,
and political correctness. Consequently,
we no longer have the time or money to teach them to read, write, or do
math. We would appreciate it if you
could go over reading, writing, and math with your kids at home in your spare
time. We would like to avoid any further
decline in their SAT scores.
Our nuclear production sites are a
mess. We can't clean them up. This stuff could be leaking into your
drinking water soon. We need money to
throw at this until somebody figures out what to do.
Our Medicare and Medicaid programs
were a big success, and the demand for health care skyrocketed. Giving free health care to old and poor
people was much more expensive than we thought, and there's no end in sight. We are continuing to spent much more on these
programs than we take. Rather than raise
your taxes, we decided not to pay the providers what they charged. These providers then raised their charges to
make up for what we didn't pay.
Insurance premiums got so high that 37 million people didn't buy health
insurance and really sick people couldn't get it. Providers treated them anyway and raised
their charges to make up for what they didn't pay. Well, now we have to fix this mess and make
everybody buy health Insurance. We need
your support to make these 37 million people pay premiums to the insurance
companies. It's an outrage.
On a more positive note, we want to share our excitement with you over some of the ideas we
have to help families through government programs and create more
non-manufacturing jobs. We are excited
about our health reform, foreign trade, and gun control initiatives as well as
our plans to purchase more land. We plan
to issue everyone a national health card and a national ID card and perhaps
give everyone a tattoo with their number on it for a small fee. In addition, we are excited about our plans
to help the former Soviet Union, South America, Africa, Asia, certainly all of
the third world countries, and let's not forget about Europe. I hope you are as excited as we are about our
ideas for new programs, and we know you'll agree that increasing taxes, so that
we can begin to cook up new things to try on our many problems and fund many worthy
projects, is the answer. We need to hire
a lot more government employees, because you taxpayers will be demanding a lot
more government services, and it's our job to see that you get them.
Warmest regards,
Your Government
Source:
Mr. Leahy Is President of
NTL Human Resources Maragement Consulung, 1312 Wynterceek Lane, Dunwoody, GA
30338, phone/fax 404-394-1284.
THE JOURNAL OF THE MEDICAL ASSOCIATION
OF GEORGIA Volume 84 FEBUARY 1994
Page 93
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