Marriages are down 14% in the US. Couples living together is up 5%. This is due to difficulties in finding the right partner and fear of failure. The single young adults we know report that they are not meeting marriageable people. Love is grand, but divorce is $40 grand. Young adults are mostly poor. Jesus said: “The poor will always be with you” He was talking about our kids.
Americans' marital and
living arrangements have changed considerably over the past 30 years. The share
of adults ages 25 to 54 who are currently married fell from 67% in 1990
to 53% in 2019, while the share cohabiting more than doubled over that
same period (from 4% in 1990 to 9% in 2019).
Marriage and divorce rates in the U.S. are
decreasing for a range of reasons. Estimates say 41% of first marriages
will end in divorce. As many as 60% of second
marriages won't make it. Third marriages end in divorce 73% of the time. May 6, 2024
A good marriage requires knowing yourself and having the courage to be yourself. It is made easier with good judgment, relationship skills, similar views, similar up-bringing, God’s help and resilience.
We are as unique as our DNA, so when we get married, we shouldn’t be surprised that we are as unique as we are. These differences may not be noticed early in the marriage, but there were clues. It’s important to encourage your spouse to be themselves and get to do what they are good at and love to do. That makes them happy enough to not mind having to do tasks they don’t enjoy.
When we moved to Salina Kansas in 1975, we were interested in how the best marriages can be achieved. We went on a Marriage Encounter weekend and ended up as Marriage Encounter Leaders. We were then tapped to be Engaged Encounter Leaders and did this until we moved to Atlanta in 1983. In Atlanta we signed up to give Engaged Encounter Weekends and did this until 1995. We became Marriage Ministers for our Catholic Parish and served until 2010. The Encounter Weekends stress the importance of putting your spouse first and enlisting God’s help. Our 20 years of giving Weekends helped us keep our focus on our relationship.
In the later years of marriage, we can identify the advantages gained when we need to remove the sharp edges of metal and can use a tumbler to smooth out the sharp metal parts. If that sounds painful, it is. If you allow yourself to continue to be yourself, you can recognize the upside of “being pruned back” like a plant or a bush. Learning how to cope with this and other difficulties successfully is critical. It really helps if you love your jobs.
The immediate advantages of being different from our spouse include access to new skills. This requires that we develop skills that are good to have for maintaining your house and tools. If your spouse likes to do these things it makes light work from many hands. Women who don’t like to cook appreciate a Man who loves to cook. Men who have too many things to repair and restore appreciate a Woman who loves to do those things. Home projects are opportunities to work together. We had matching crowbars.
My wife is empowered to identify projects. I ask her how she will proceed. It is usually not how I would do it, but it often works. If she researches solutions and asks experts, it always works. I always help her if she needs my help.
We wanted to transform our 1970s ceiling to floor brick fireplace to a more classical style. We collected pictures and consulted a Craftsman. When she couldn’t explain what she wanted, I stepped in. She had scheduled a visit to our daughter in Florida for a weekend. I asked for God’s help and the voice said ”Make 3 boxes”. I saw immediately what to do. One box would cover the existing mantle and the other two would make the sides. I borrowed a chop-saw. I went to Home Depot and found smooth pine boards and Fypon decorative add-ons and 1 foot marble squares and rented a wet-saw. The project took 2 days to complete and the cost was $550. My wife came home to a surprise and she loved it.
In 2022, we got a $400 water bill and discovered a leak in our water supply line. We got a plumber and he and his diggers installed a new line. He also installed a shut-off valve in the wall that required that he remove a piece of drywall. My wife discovered the leak by listening for water noise. She also got the best drywall tape and bought a small plastic access door and installed the drywall. I didn’t even check on her until she was done and it was perfect. She became a drywall expert.
My wife and I met when we were 18 years old. We were both Catholic and went to Catholic Schools. We were both smart and were raised to have a sense of humor. We were engaged at age 19 and married at age 21. My job was to let her be herself and adjust to the differences. We had 6 kids and she was free to be a home-maker, but at age 39 she wanted to resume her career. This was important and she appreciated my support. She graduated from Dental Hygiene School at age 42 and picked on people for 32 years. I appreciated the additional income.
We will celebrate our 60th Wedding Anniversary on August 15, 2024. My memory is better than my wife’s, because I took what’s his name’s memory course. We are still able to do most of our home maintenance jobs. We continue to work on our relationship and adjust as our energy and abilities continue to slowly diminish. We attribute our life-long marriage to our respect for each other, our sense of humor and God’s blessings.
Norb Leahy, Dunwoody GA Tea
Party Leader
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